Life Update

We're okay. 

I try to be thankful for the things that are good; our income is secure because Gunnar is essential personnel. I'm glad that as a stay-at-home mom, I'm equipped and prepared to not only care for all of our children, but to homeschool* them and ensure that their education continues in spite of everything. I'm relieved that we are all young and healthy right now and generally low risk. I'm grateful that the rain has cleared up and that my kids can spend so much time in our backyard, or riding bikes, or in the sprinkler. I'm thankful that Gunnar's job gives us access to food and supplies whenever we need them. 

The world has shrunk, in some ways, and I can stay positive when I focus on what has become my whole world--my house, my yard, my kids.  But sometimes I traipse on over to facebook or reddit or CNN and the world explodes open and my heart starts to pound and my head spins and holy shit I am NOT okay. 

I'm terrified for all my elderly and at-risk friends and family. I'm worried for Gunnar and my mom out on the "front lines" working in healthcare that they will not only catch it, but bring it home. I'm worried for my friends and family whose income has been slashed or lost altogether. I miss my karate class, my mom's group, my church, my friends. I'm angry at the people who are hoarding supplies and food, and I'm frustrated with the people on facebook who feel that it is their personal duty to shame others who aren't doing what they think they should and who post constant reminders and click bait and...yeah I'm trying not to go on facebook. I'm sad that James and Lilly won't have the fun birthdays we'd planned, that Miles' baptism will be private or not even able to happen...and what about bluebonnet pictures? 

So far no one I know has been sick, but then, it hasn't hit my city very hard yet. Sometimes I feel like I'm being ridiculous for being so worried--as long as we followed the guidelines the best we can, we'll be fine, right?  But another part of me feels so very small and out of control and like nothing we can do will make a difference considering that Gunnar is out in it all the time.

Things are changing every day both in the world and in my head. Some days are great and productive and I'm patient and I get all the things done. Some days I feel like crying at every turn and I don't wan tot do anything but play Mass Effect and eat ice cream. Luckily I'm staying busy, which keeps me from having time to worry!  (Homeschooling a kinder and a 2nd grader, caring for a baby and a toddler, keeping up with all my regular chores, sewing, playing Mass Effect, etc). 

For now though, we're okay.

*my definition of homeschool is super lax...we do two hours of "school" before lunch and two hours after and it includes writing time, a "math" game, quiet reading and online learning programs.